okay,not tonight, but last night I was drink.  He playd Drunken games!! We Played Rock Band and it was quite funny watching people yell at various inanimate objects (ie the TV, the Xbox, the Guitar controller, the Drum controller, etc). 

Also, I made tacos… they were AWESOME cuz I know how to make them so they won’t fall apart everywhere.

After tha, we atched Mortal Kombat and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the old school movie, not that new crap…)

We al had a blast.   People fell asleep in some pretty strange postions too.  thankfully, there wasn’t much of a mess this morning at all (we don’t invite obnoxious messy people over to our house…)  so that makes the whole thing a success.

 Now my husband and a couple friends are playing Rock Band again.  it’s pretty funny when they blame their equipement (though I also tend to do so when I am playing a game and losing…)

So anyway…. yeah… that’s all I can think fo writing for now.. so… love you all and bye bye!

work is sooooo boring todday… we are getting out early for a long weekend, but still *sigh*.  such is the way of life.  I have band practice on sunday, and I havent’ sung for awhile, so my voice needs some work, for sure.  Sakura-con is next weekend (YAY!) so that I have to look forward to, anyway. 

Mostly, I have nothing to actually say, but seeing as I felt an overwhelming urge to post, I’m going to post a conversation i had with my siser earlier today on Gaia online

sister me

RAWWWWWRRRR! ~flys in, attaches to head~ hehehehe

 eeeek! Bad potatoe! *throws you*
EEP! ^^
hee hee hee *huggles you*
silly
It’s all good…. *throws an invisible cat-fish of doom at your head*
AAAAHHHHH CATFISH!
YAY!! your distracted! *wields Swordfish and starts attacking you with it*
~throws cat on swordfish, which then starts eating it~ hehe the cats eating your weapon!
EEEEK!! *drops swordfish and get’s frozen sushi balls of freezing. “SUSHI DEATH@@@!!!!” *throws them at you*
~ducks~ HA! Missed me!
*pulls a lever, dropping half a ton of fresh Kelp on your head* yay!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!!

Somebody sent this to my on Myspace Last year…. and that day I wrote a poem-response to it and posted it on my MySpace Blog.  Now I am posting it here…

Dear god, hope you get the letter and…
I pray you can make it better down here
I don’t mean a big reduction in the price of beer
But all the people that you made in your image
See them starving in the street
‘Cause they don’t get enough to eat from god
I can’t believe in you

Dear god, sorry to disturb you but…
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears
And all the people that you made in your image
See them fighting in the street
‘Cause they can’t make opinions meet about god
I can’t believe in you

Did you make disease and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god don’t know if you noticed but…
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book
And us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look
And all the people that you made in your image
still believing that junk is true
Well I know it ain’t, and so do you
Dear god
I can’t believe in
I don’t believe

I won’t believe in heaven or hell
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well
No pearly gates, no thorny crown
You’re always letting us humans down
The wars you bring, the babes you drown
Those lost at sea and never found
And it’s the same the whole world ’round
The hurt I see helps to compound
That father, son and holy ghost
Is just somebody’s unholy hoax
And if you’re up there you’ll perceive
That my heart’s here upon my sleeve
If there’s one thing I don’t believe in

It’s you
Dear god

TXC song ,, Dear God
have a good day
love
love
love
Farley

—————————————-

My Reply

You only see the surface
You dare not understand
The point is not perfection
The point is love in Man
The point is being Faithful
the point is being true
how would you feel if your whole life
everyone Questioned You?

It’s far beyond just what you see
Every person has their purpose
Humans have their own free will, though
And it’s humans here that hurt us

Sure, this world could be a place
Where all was ‘right’ and ‘good’
But then we could not have a choice
We’d just do as we should

There can not be happiness
without sorrow and fear
And Heaven itself is more than worth
Anything you might find here

So go on with your complaining
with your hate, your anger, your pain
But know that when you do this
You have nothing left to Gain

You choose to take the easy road
with it’s steady downward pace
go on and live your life that way
but life is not a race

I choose to take the broken road
for all it’s rocks and hills
It’s but a very small price to pay
For my soul to be fulfilled

I’ll take the pain along with joy
I’ll learn from all the tears
I’ll hold tight to the faith I know
and push away the fear

Dear God, I pray for your lost sheep
For those who’ve lost their way
I pray for those who have no faith
That they come to you someday

I pray they see the lessons
in the smiles of the poor
I pray they see a Child’s Faith
I pray they see that Door

How sad it is that they don’t see
your Love in all it’s ways
And so be with all your lost sheep
Forever, this I’ll pray.

-Kim Cooksey, 2007

(cooksey is my Maiden Name )

((I wrote this on Wednesday the 20^th of February))

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A lot has happened to me recently.  The other day I had … well.. one of the worst days of my entire life.  I was swamped with work the entire day.. and not just normal swamped, but “do this right now or you’ll be in deep trouble” kind of busy.  The kind of busy where you have three days of work and one day to do it.  Then I find out my friend died.  Nobody talked to us, pulled the office aside and explained what happened… NO, not at all.. because God Forbid someone shows some kind of courtesy.  Instead, someone comes in and says “hey, have you seen Masdonati’s SRB” and my Sgt goes “I think Gunny is looking for it” and this person replies “okay well, I was just wondering because I need it because I heard he was in a fatal vehicle accident last night…”  and he walks out of the office!

 

This is my Face O.O.  then *blink* *blink* I was in shock.  Did he just say what I THOUGHT he just said? And the WAY he said it!! SERIOUSLY!  I just about died.

 

All day long too, I had to hear the details.  I work in administration, so guess what office generates all the appropriate paperwork?  Right, Admin.  Plus, it seems like all anyone can do is look for ways to make sure his family gets nothing.  Okay… he was speeding and yes it was stupid, but the man just died… can be STOP the negativity for half a minute? Perhaps? Please?

 

Then, as I toil away at my lovely menial tasks, I take a break.. 10 minutes, to get online.  Then a certain corporal decides to yell at me “if you’re not doing anything help so-and-so blah blah blah” (I tuned him out).  People take smoke breaks, I don’t, so I could let my brain cool down for a minute every now and then.. you’d think, right?  Apparently not.  So anyway, ten minutes, Little-ol-me goes to get a ream of paper from the other side of the office and WHAT do I see?  The same Corporal who yelled at me is playing some nifty arcade game on the computer.  Nice. 

 

By the end of the day, I just wanted to cry… I was falling apart, mentally, anyway…Not literally, like my dearly departed friend whom I found out hit the support wire for the telephone pole at such a fast speed that he was severed in two but yeah, moving on….

 

I got home and the house was a mess.  I had planned on cleaning it but I didn’t feel up to it.  Instead, I went to band practice.  Most of the people couldn’t show (we’re all current or former military, and they all had duty or some family thing going on). So it was just me and Don, and I sang my guts out (and hurt my throat because I pushed too hard.. I was very upset) and from there I went and sang karaoke.  Okay,, because THAT’s smart when my throat already hurts…. I didn’t care.  Then I went home and ate too much junk food and went to sleep.  Or at least, I went to bed, I didn’t really sleep.

 

I’m going insane, really I am. Because no matter how much better I get at what I do, all that is pointed it is the negatives, like I’m some stupid trained monkey with only half a brain.  I’m losing my mind… crazy.. whatever you want to call it.  And two friends in two months? I’m still grieving for Robby!! God bless that boy.. he was a Cosplay Freak.. in the tight little club with me and my sis and her bestest best friend.  *sigh* someone shake the crap out of my reality please.. maybe if it breaks I can trade it in for a new one.

Not to mention, it wasn’t that long ago that I lost my Grandfather Arne.  And Grandpa Bob had his leg amputated (too many bypass surgeries.. he wouldn’t quit drinking…selfish selfish man).  My Husband’s great grandmother passed not that long ago either.  The beginning of December I believe… poor baby.  There’s too much death in my life.  My friend Jolene Died my Senior Year… My friend Ashley in 5^th Grade… My Step-Grandmother when I was around 12-14 (I don’t remember for sure).  And there is more and I don’t even want to go into ti.. but it’s suffocating me.

 

Have to say this too… THe Day I found out was the 14th.. VALENTINE’S DAY.. which I had to spend alone bcause my husband was working… all day and a night post… Marines… sigh… anyway.. I had this horrible day on what is supposed to be a special day and didn’t even have my man to comfort me….  Thank god for phones… 

 

Thank God for my husband, who loves me for all my faults, and always drags me out of my depression (sometimes kicking and screaming.. fighting back and leaving streaks of eyeliner on the floor).

 

So anyway, despite ALL of that, today was Chris Masdonati’s Memorial Service.  IT was great.. It really was, and I wrote something for him…

 

Before you read it though, I have to tell you it was estimated he was going approximately 70-90 MPH when he crashed his bike in a turn, flying off of it and literally getting sliced in half by a support cable from a telephone pole.  *sigh*

 

CHRIS…

 

I can’t believe it

Only the day before you asked me

“Am I out of this place yet?”

 

And it seems that…

Your wish was answered

But to those you left behind

It was a horrible disaster

 

It doesn’t seem fair

You were seen and then nowhere

And I watched you thrive before

When they meant for you to suffer

 

A joy ride, a sharp turn, a slide

Ensured that you’d no longer stride

Just chalk it up to foolish pride

And from us, speed takes another

 

Honestly, I’m angry

So Selfish and unthinking

Forgetting all those who are grieving

Why did you have to go so FAST?

 

And then I laugh

And I remember your smile

And how they said you were falling apart

And the surprise of.. well.. how right they were

 

And so I’m sad and angry and happy

And I don’t know what else to say

I just hope that you’re in heaven

Watching over us when we pray

 

I leave you, and the humor I know you had, with a final thought

For you DID run into some luck

You accomplished the impossible, and many people’s dream

You can be in two places at once…

 

-Kimberly Cooksey 2008

The road was dark, winding through the trees like it had something to hide.  Clouds obscured the half moon and most of the scars, yet moved at a steady pace across the sky. This caused the landscape to be cast in strange, eerie shadows, so surreal that they seemed living breathing things.

 

Vincent, however, was without worry.  Many times he had walked this desolate path, and arrived home safely half an hour later.  Criminals dare not venture out here, and animals had plenty of forest to themselves to bother coming near human habitations.  Ignoring the gloom and dark, heavy feeling of the night air, Vincent slipped on his worn wool trench-coat and began his walk home. 

 

The ground was damp, but not wet, a result of a morning rain followed by a warm but overcast day.  Vincent noticed that it was especially quiet tonight.  No crickets could be heard, no bullfrogs from the nearby creek.  Neither was there any traffic sounds in the distance.. though this wasn’t unusual for this road.  The place where Vincent worked wasn’t near town at all, and the town’s population itself couldn’t have been more than maybe 1,500 people.  The town itself wasn’t near any highly-trafficked thoroughfare, and so it was unlikely that someone would even get lost and wind up on this road.

 

The quiet tonight, though, was not due to the normal factors.. not due to the small town size or weather… no.  Tonight, the road was empty because somebody wished it that way.  Vincent was oblivious to the pair of eyes that watched him from the edge of the woods.  Of course, Vincent was oblivious to most everything anymore. He only knew his work, his home, and himself.  Little did he know what the watcher in the trees had planned for him, or how it would change his life.

Deep dark secrets.  We all have them. But seriously, how many of them actually matter?  To us they matter, mine matter to me, after all… there are things that I’ve done and said and thought that I wouldn’t want people to know…(but maybe I’ll share them with you all one day, who knows).  But often times, I see other people’s secrets laid out before the world and they don’t really matter.  Most of the time, it’s just… something that makes you different. 

 

Which brings me to another point.  When you are young, you revel in your ability to be different.. but the older you get, the more you try to fit in.  Even when trying to avoid social norms by hanging out with the Goth kids in school or whatever… then you follow their rules, because if you don’t fit, then out you go from that group too.  This means we make secrets about ourselves and put on a mask, trying to make it easier.  By the time we’re adults, we have so many masks that we don’t know what we look like anymore.

 

What we think about when nobody is around, what we dream about.. a lot of these things never get shared with anyone, for fear of exile or ridicule or having people think you extremely strange.  No wonder depression rates are so high, why people are so unhappy.

 

I was happy with what I’ll call the “emo movement” at first, but even that has become commercialized and so stereotyped that you can’t even be yourself and fit in with that movement.  I THOUGHT it was about being yourself and not being afraid to show emotion and calling people on their BS, but apparently it’s about pretending to be sad all the time and refusing to enjoy life.  I know that not everyone is like this within the “emo community” but seriously, come on… Be yourself, not a stereotype….

 

So getting to the root of things.  Don’t be afraid to be yourself.  Don’t be afraid of your emotions.  Ride them like a roller-coaster… it’s better than bottling them up into a ball of hate and doom. Be weird… it’s better than being some cookie-cutter thing you aren’t.  If you want to keep some things to yourself, that’s okay, but don’t lie to yourself.

 

All of us go through some really messed up shit.  Really messed up.. like prime-time crime drama, suspense movie, tear-jerker, make-you-want-to-kill-someone messed up.  It’s harder on some than others.. but there are people out there to help.  So stop trying to do everything yourself, because you can’t.  no one can.  God can’t even do everything himself… he had to send Jesus to the world.  And if you don’t believe in God well, that’s up to you, but nobody can go through life alone and do the things they want to do without help. 

so, this is much delayed…

On March 8th, I had my first Paid gig EVER with Don Money and the Squids.  We played at the Ironhead!!!! YAY!.. We didn’t earn much… I earned a grand total of $8.00 for myself.  But still, it’s awesome to know that I got paid to play.  Besides, it was enough to cover my gas to get there and the one drink I had.

 We were headliners and we played an 11 song set, and then people wanted MORE so we played 3 more songs… 14 SONGS YAY!!!! 

AND… I have a FAN.  We got alot of fans of the band that night, which was great, but I have a fan of myself specifically… and it feels soooooo awesome. *runs around jumping for joy* I have a fan, YAY! I have a fan, YAY!!!

Another awesome part? the Owner of the IRONHEAD wants us to come back… he liked us alot (even me with all my pushiness about the mics and my uber-expensive $60 Monster Cable).  so uh, yeah… yea for me!! we Rock!

In case you were wondering.. I IS THE LEAD SINGER!!! YAY!! I love singing… it makes me happy….

Okay, so I LOVE Cosplay… ANd Sakuracon is almost here… here are some pictures from past conventions

okay, so some people may notice that I post about Moneta alot

I can’t help it, they are my favorite band

but if you pay REALLY close attention, you will notice a strange tension.

you see, Devin and Mike (and Tim, who used to be in Moneta…) were in Roundabout.  I loved roundabout (they played my sweet 16 party).  I used to run their fan club.

but I was a stupid misguided teenager and did some stupid things, taking advantage of the situation.

And now, I feel like an outsider among the other fans.  I went to school with tim, mike and devin…   I was unpopular, Devin was very nice, I had a crush on Mike

And all of this.. I don’t know.. I acted all weird and now it just feels strange

so I go to their concerts and LOVE their music… but.. I can’t be part of the street team (i’ve tried.. no response) and I just feel like a loser.

 Devin and Mike are still really nice to me but

as a whole I feel like the weird fan that always brings more fans but creeps the band out a little.

I hate being that person *sigh*

somebody tell me I’m wrong.

Okay okay okay, so I am posting alot of blogs… in one day, but I have been INSPIRED!! besides, I used to post online all the time, people read my stuff.. (lots of people) and then I just stopped.  I don’t know what happenned to me (oh wait, yes I do, it was the MARINE CORPS!)

It took alot out of me, really.  I don’t do the things I used to do anymore (and I GAINED weight,, WTF the Military is supposed to keep me skinny.. whatever).

 ANYWAY..

I have returned to my ‘writing stuff all the time and playing video games while shouting at the characters when I lose’ style of life.  I am an angry person… the Video game controllers don’t stand a chance (I’m on my seventh with the PS2 and my 3rd ib the xbox… I had to buy a new cable for the PS3 one).

I’ve been playing FFVII

Now, this is a very dangerous thing.  When I play this game, it is like a coma… coma of doom.  Do not touch me, talk to me, walk in front of me, or respond to anything I say (i am talking to the video game.. or myself… people have bruises from thrown remote controllers)

Cloud is orgasmic.  Sure he is pixelated and the graphics are old-school… but just.. wow.

I think Cloud is the reason I’m emo.  look at him.  He’s the poster-boy for emo.

“I don’t know who I am, I have nothing, everyone I used to look up to are either all jacked up on crazy or dead… I have no emotions and I don’t know how to feel. I forgot how to smile. the world hates me… but I refuse to die”

Cloud needs a counselor. Either that or he needs to go to a Moneta concert… or Panic maybe…

So back to the topic… I have lost many hours of sleep over this game.  I sit there and play until my eyes burn like I got pepper sprayed. I have beaten it three times in the past and yet I still continue this path of self-destructive video-game playing.  My thumbs are calloused and I look like a ZOMBIE.

This spurns other things.. yay.

I have a Cloud Strife tattoo.(costume from Kingdom Hearts). It is beautiful.  I look at it alot.  It serves as my Nerd-detector.  If someone comes up to me and goes “Hey, Cloud Strife!” then I mentally say ‘ding ding ding! we have a winner’.  but then, there are the people who come up and say “is that the guy from dragon ball Z?” or “Is that Naruto?” or “is that yu-gi-oh?”  i tend to respond in a very disgusted manner.  this usually involves a death glare, followed by me saying “F*ck No!” or a statement to that effect, and walking away before the poor unenlightened. unworthy non-nerd wastes any more of my time. *sigh* people these days.

um.. so yeah.. that was random… and if you made it to the end… I owe you a hug…

Okay then

TUCKER MAX

If you don’t know who he is, you need to.  I can’t even BEGIN to describe the horrible things he has done or has had happen to him due to his inability to think before he acts…

 You ABSOLUTLEY MUST visit TuckerMax.com

Read this first “tucker tries Butt sex, hilarity does not ensue”

It’s hilarious (disgusting, but hilarious… hot viscous fluid… *Sigh*)

Be warned.  He is an Ass… a big giant one… but this stuff is funny.

Yes, though you will all find out soon just by reading my stories and other what-nots, I am a bitch…  So much so that most the people in my office do not like me (I don’t like them either, so go figure… right? I make a point of being annoying on purpose.. but anyway.. moving on)

 

Yesterday, a couple people in my office decided to go to “Famous Dave’s” for opening night.  Mmmm… Barbeque…

 

He invited everyone, and I mean EVERYONE (including our supervisor/manager whatever you want to call it[I’m in the military… for now.. and won’t confuse you with rank structure])  EXCEPT ME!  Yes, he made a point of doing this (he being the guy whose idea it was to go to this place…)

 

What did I do?  Oh, well, I invited myself.  My husband and I went on our own.  (it was AWESOME food btw). As I was walking out, I saw them all in the lounge and gave them this huge evil smirk, then walked on before they could respond.

 

They were very uncomfortable.. and this made me happy.

 

Incidentally, I also found out that night that the lead singer or guitarist or something of a band I like (they aren’t as good as Moneta or Holyfield, but they have a HUGE following), Amber Pacific, works at the PUYALLUP “Famous Dave’s”.  I found this out from a hostess who said she trained said-person… she noticed my Amber Pacific hoodie. (I had wanted to wear my Moneta hoodie but it was hiding from me). Sounds like I have a trip to Puyallup ahead of me.  I was thinking I could wear the sweater and then pretend I’d never heard of the band…. Hmmmmm…. Could be FUN!

 

What do you think?

Jerry Kansky is the lead singer in an awesome underground band by night, and a Cubicle Commando by day… and though he hasn’t updated his blog in awhile, it still is awesome!!! It always makes me laugh.. (read the story about how he lost his keys in an elevator shaft!) 

Also, for the record, if he wasn’t married and I wasn’t (VERY HAPPILY) Married, I would probably attempt to take him home and do horrible, fun, unreapeatable things to him.  I want to meet his wife, she seems like the most awesomest girl on the planet (except my sister, cuz my sister is 200% awesome).

ANYWAY.. here’s the link

 http://jerrykansky.blogspot.com/

So my blog has an intersting title, yes?  Okay.  THis is because my head is so all over-the-place sometimes that this seems the best way to describe it… and many people may try to make fun of me but I’ll just delete your comment if you are all negative-ninny.  yes yes?  So I can be random, and I have alot of things to talk about… sometimes a great website I like or whatever.

 I will often repost things that other people say as I read them on the Interwebs… the thing sthat entertain me can entertain you! yay!!

 So if you like strange random posts that could wither be very meaningful or completely ridiculous, stick around at the happy blog of DOOM!! 

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

um.. okay posty… no one asked you to come here… YEESH! so rude *storms off*