Confessions of a Gamer Girl











{March 19, 2008}   In the Blood (fiction) Part 1

The road was dark, winding through the trees like it had something to hide.  Clouds obscured the half moon and most of the scars, yet moved at a steady pace across the sky. This caused the landscape to be cast in strange, eerie shadows, so surreal that they seemed living breathing things.

 

Vincent, however, was without worry.  Many times he had walked this desolate path, and arrived home safely half an hour later.  Criminals dare not venture out here, and animals had plenty of forest to themselves to bother coming near human habitations.  Ignoring the gloom and dark, heavy feeling of the night air, Vincent slipped on his worn wool trench-coat and began his walk home. 

 

The ground was damp, but not wet, a result of a morning rain followed by a warm but overcast day.  Vincent noticed that it was especially quiet tonight.  No crickets could be heard, no bullfrogs from the nearby creek.  Neither was there any traffic sounds in the distance.. though this wasn’t unusual for this road.  The place where Vincent worked wasn’t near town at all, and the town’s population itself couldn’t have been more than maybe 1,500 people.  The town itself wasn’t near any highly-trafficked thoroughfare, and so it was unlikely that someone would even get lost and wind up on this road.

 

The quiet tonight, though, was not due to the normal factors.. not due to the small town size or weather… no.  Tonight, the road was empty because somebody wished it that way.  Vincent was oblivious to the pair of eyes that watched him from the edge of the woods.  Of course, Vincent was oblivious to most everything anymore. He only knew his work, his home, and himself.  Little did he know what the watcher in the trees had planned for him, or how it would change his life.



Deep dark secrets.  We all have them. But seriously, how many of them actually matter?  To us they matter, mine matter to me, after all… there are things that I’ve done and said and thought that I wouldn’t want people to know…(but maybe I’ll share them with you all one day, who knows).  But often times, I see other people’s secrets laid out before the world and they don’t really matter.  Most of the time, it’s just… something that makes you different. 

 

Which brings me to another point.  When you are young, you revel in your ability to be different.. but the older you get, the more you try to fit in.  Even when trying to avoid social norms by hanging out with the Goth kids in school or whatever… then you follow their rules, because if you don’t fit, then out you go from that group too.  This means we make secrets about ourselves and put on a mask, trying to make it easier.  By the time we’re adults, we have so many masks that we don’t know what we look like anymore.

 

What we think about when nobody is around, what we dream about.. a lot of these things never get shared with anyone, for fear of exile or ridicule or having people think you extremely strange.  No wonder depression rates are so high, why people are so unhappy.

 

I was happy with what I’ll call the “emo movement” at first, but even that has become commercialized and so stereotyped that you can’t even be yourself and fit in with that movement.  I THOUGHT it was about being yourself and not being afraid to show emotion and calling people on their BS, but apparently it’s about pretending to be sad all the time and refusing to enjoy life.  I know that not everyone is like this within the “emo community” but seriously, come on… Be yourself, not a stereotype….

 

So getting to the root of things.  Don’t be afraid to be yourself.  Don’t be afraid of your emotions.  Ride them like a roller-coaster… it’s better than bottling them up into a ball of hate and doom. Be weird… it’s better than being some cookie-cutter thing you aren’t.  If you want to keep some things to yourself, that’s okay, but don’t lie to yourself.

 

All of us go through some really messed up shit.  Really messed up.. like prime-time crime drama, suspense movie, tear-jerker, make-you-want-to-kill-someone messed up.  It’s harder on some than others.. but there are people out there to help.  So stop trying to do everything yourself, because you can’t.  no one can.  God can’t even do everything himself… he had to send Jesus to the world.  And if you don’t believe in God well, that’s up to you, but nobody can go through life alone and do the things they want to do without help. 



{March 19, 2008}   I Play Music! YAY!

so, this is much delayed…

On March 8th, I had my first Paid gig EVER with Don Money and the Squids.  We played at the Ironhead!!!! YAY!.. We didn’t earn much… I earned a grand total of $8.00 for myself.  But still, it’s awesome to know that I got paid to play.  Besides, it was enough to cover my gas to get there and the one drink I had.

 We were headliners and we played an 11 song set, and then people wanted MORE so we played 3 more songs… 14 SONGS YAY!!!! 

AND… I have a FAN.  We got alot of fans of the band that night, which was great, but I have a fan of myself specifically… and it feels soooooo awesome. *runs around jumping for joy* I have a fan, YAY! I have a fan, YAY!!!

Another awesome part? the Owner of the IRONHEAD wants us to come back… he liked us alot (even me with all my pushiness about the mics and my uber-expensive $60 Monster Cable).  so uh, yeah… yea for me!! we Rock!

In case you were wondering.. I IS THE LEAD SINGER!!! YAY!! I love singing… it makes me happy….



{March 19, 2008}   SakuraCon!!! YAY!!!

Okay, so I LOVE Cosplay… ANd Sakuracon is almost here… here are some pictures from past conventions

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et cetera